How to have a fabulous wedding by thinking outside of the box

My husband and I built a house and started planning a wedding in the summer of 2006. Within 2 weeks of closing on our brand new house and 6 months of our wedding, I was downsized. My first instinct was to panic due to the responsibilities that come with having a mortgage based on a two income household. Immediately following that panic attack, I realized the wedding we planned for might not be a possibility. Although I was provided a severance package and found a job within a few weeks, my perspective throughout wedding planning stayed the same: focus on the essentials and don't let emotions cloud your future. Here's how I had our dream wedding on a budget less than 1/2 of the national average, and much less than average for our high cost of living area:

Step 1: Be realistic about your dreams

Luckily for us, my idea of a dream wedding wasn't something I had planned down to china patterns since I was 13. Perhaps that changed my perspective but I truly believe there is only one necessity you need to get married: a marriage license and a someone to marry you. Total cost: less than $100 for a civil ceremony. Everything else is just gravy. Chances are, even if you have planned your dream wedding since childhood, it didn't involve an ice sculpture, $10 a piece invitations and open bar. You envisioned a blissful memory with your spouse, surrounded by people important to you.

Yes, a wedding is a very important day, but to give it the relevance to be the "most important day of your life" is to trivialize anything that happened before that day, and anything that happens after that day. A truly memorable occasion doesn't need to happen on a Saturday night during primary wedding season at the Ritz. Get a handle on what's truly important to you and tell the $20 a serving cake designer to shove it when they tell you "but you simply must have this, it is the best day of your life!"

Step 2: Take control of the guest list and the bridal party

Your great aunt Nancy from Nantucket who you haven't seen since you were too short to ride all the good rollercoasters? Nix that. Your mom's entire bridge club? Sorry, no go. I'll tell you the things no one will - you won't be able to talk to any more than 100 guests, even if you have a very long wedding reception. And if you, by some superhuman ability, are able to talk to every one of your 300 guests, you won't have a good time. Isn't the wedding supposed to be fun for you?

Thinking back to the weddings I have been part of the bridal party consisted of a substantial investment in time and money. It didn't necessarily allow me to have a great time at the wedding, and also had a significant financial and emotional investment. I didn't want that for my friends, and as a thank you they were more than happy to provide any help they could, since it didn't carry the traditional obligations of a wedding party. As a result, our costs for transportation (no stretch limo necessary), flowers and gifts were substantially less than that of a traditional wedding.

Being invited to a wedding isn't a birthright - it's a privilege. Treat it that way and the people who are invited will make the day that much more important. If people aren't invited, they will get over it. If they don't, they didn't really understand you to begin with.

Step 3: Be resourceful.

Anything labeled "wedding" is immediately at least double the price of any other item that you would find for a "party". Don't even tell your vendors you are planning a wedding. Don't go to wedding shows and expect to find any deals. Your secret best resource? Craigslist.com. It's where we found a photographer who gave us the digital rights to our prints and stayed by my side for more than 12 hours at a price of $600 - at least $5,000 less than any similar "wedding" package in our metropolitan area. (By the way, I also found my fabulous rental vendor, wedding planner, and bartender practically free on Craigslist.) My photographer had 20+ years experience in the industry and exceptionally talented. He told me he was able to charge much less based on the fact that he didn't spend oodles of money on advertizing and wedding shows.

Step 4: Be flexible in your idea of what a wedding is supposed to be

Our wedding date had special meaning to us….and about 30 thousand other couples married in prime wedding season. Because of my layoff and the million decisions we needed to make when building our house, I had just 6 months when I finally got around to planning the wedding. The fortunate result? Every wedding site with 50 miles was booked for our Saturday night in July wedding. That meant no room for negotiation on any vendors, resources, or location. All traditional methods of saving money on a location: having it at a public place, using a local church's resources, renting a tent and having it at home, or anything else we could imagine, were out of the question. I voiced my concern to my wonderful aunt who said "why not have a brunch wedding?" Genius, why hadn't we thought of that before? Because weddings are "supposed" to happen on Saturday night.

The wedding site where we were married was an elegant golf club that was booked on Saturdays for 2 years in advance. The amenities were beautiful, the staff was helpful, and we were able to negotiate a substantial discount, including omitting the necessary open bar in favor of $5 per person flowing mimosas. Because we had cut the guest list substantially, we were able to have a large after party and invite all the people we wanted to invite if money were no object. Our guests didn't have to dress up and could go back for as much BBQ as they could possibly ingest. Due to our gracious family supplying several outdoor games, we were able to setup a bags tournament that all of our male guests say was the "most fun they've ever had at a wedding". (The after party was my husband's favorite part of the entire wedding and a great time for all our guests.)

Step 5: Relax and enjoy it

Things will go wrong. No wedding will ever be perfect, but because you made it yours, it will possibly be the best day of your life …. So far.